My Magical, Stormy Night

When I saw Stormy Daniels was making her way to my neck of the woods, I didn't even hesitate for second to get my tickets. The woman is a legend and there is no way I was about to miss such an icon when she's right here in Portland, Maine. Whether you like it or not, she's going to be in history books someday, so really I'd be doing all my future offspring a disservice if I didn't come through on this. 

Naturally, I arrived at PT's Showclub as early as possible because I would hate myself if I missed even a second of the spectacle. (On a side note, huge shout out to PT's because they really made a girl feel welcome and comfortable.) After a solid two hours of scoping out the place, using the unisex bathroom more than I'm proud to admit, and watching the regular local performers, it. was. time. I'm going to do my best to paint a picture for you even though I know my words could truly never do it justice. 

Stormy quite literally stormed the staged to "Abracadabra" by Steve Miller Band dressed in a full sequined magician outfit. I say "outfit" and not "costume" because this woman is an actual magician. For one of her acts, she dove headfirst into a lucky audience member's crotch. Somehow, when she came back up, she ended up spitting out a very suspicious amount of cloudy liquid. This left me with so many questions; At what point did she get all of that in her mouth? How? What on Earth was it? How were her cheeks not full like a chipmunk before she spit it out? When I tell you it was a suspicious amount, I mean she was spitting/dribbling it out for maybe 25 seconds. I'm just going to have to accept the fact that this will remain one of life's greatest mysteries. I should also add that after she spit it out, she then sprayed the audience (myself included) with a bottle of this puzzling liquid. I could've probably lived without that part based on the consistency, but what are ya gonna do. 

After her first set of the night (which was about 3 or 4 songs; sorry it's hard to tell for sure, I was mesmerized) it was time to meet the queen. We waited by the VIP area and after she took 30 minutes to clean up, there she was. One of my biggest regrets is not asking for her skin care regimen because deadass her skin is FLAWLESS. She 39 years old and she looks incredible; it doesn't even look like she tries to cover much with makeup. She was so kind to me during our encounter that I thought I should ask for some final life advice before we parted ways. She told me "wear a condom" - honestly great advice that we should all accept into our lives. 

Seeing Stormy live makes it really sink in - this woman is a true performer. Other dancers at the club were so impressed that they were making it rain on her with the hard earned money they made earlier in the night. Her facial expressions, choreography, props, everything; it was seriously such a (naked, inappropriate) professional production.  

Overall, seeing Stormy Daniels was a 5 star experience. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly support her any more than I already do, here I am. Thank you for being you, from one storm to another.